I take a look at the iTunes window: “a rural holiday”, from an album called “Snake Fence Country”. Cool name. I summon Google.

Cool name, and local too!

It’s from the CBC Records label… hey sweet! Edmonton Wind Ensemble! My home town. I think I would like to give them money in exchange for my own copy of this album to enjoy at my leisure! Back to iTunes. Search for: “Snake Fence Country”

D’oh. Disappointing, but not everything is in iTunes. Back to Google. First link is Classics Online: Your Classical Music Download Source. Sounds promising… but then I see:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

Not available in my country? It’s from my country! My city! The label is our national media company! This can’t be right. Trying somewhere else. Amazon.ca:

A HUNDRED AND FIFTY-ONE… ok, ok. It’s obviously out of production, fairly obscure, not completely unreasonable that the CD would be unavailable. What about Amazon.com:

Ah-ha! So it is out there somewhere! That gives me an idea. Back to iTunes, change the store to U.S…

What the hell!?

How can an album made in Canada, by Canadians, and released by a national Canadian government funded organization not be available to Canadians!?

Stupid, ignorant, hateful, petty… who wins here? Tell me. What possible benefit is this situation to anyone involved in or interested in this music? How the hell did the CBC allow this to take place? Since the CBC is publicly funded, which means that Canadian tax dollars were involved in the production of this album, how is it that the rights have become locked up by a foreign entity that can block Canadians from purchasing it??

This is everything that’s wrong with our intellectual property legislation today. Pointless and ridiculous interference that doesn’t help anyone. Well, except for the ignorant politicians that get bribed into passing this bullshit and the soulless corporations that seem to exist only to drain money away from the people who actually care about music.

Unfortunately this particular album is obscure enough that I can’t seem to find it on any of my usual torrent search sites, otherwise I’d be freely enjoying it while writing this diatribe (“free” being a key word there). I do have my fake US iTunes account that I set up last time I ran into this stupidity. But honestly, as much as I enjoyed that one song, and I’m sure I would love the rest, I have my doubts as to whether any of the money would actually get to the artists if I were to purchase it this way. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find the CD in a second-hand music store somewhere. More likely I’ll just never hear it again, and no one will have got any of the money that I was happy to spend. Lose-lose.

I could do that on any of my old phones (that were capable of playing mp3s, if not I just converted it to an older audio spec).  But then ringtones became BIG BU$INE$$.  Now, if I want to use a clip from one of my songs as a ringtone on my iPhone, in Apple’s own words:

Buy a song for 99¢, then turn it into a custom ringtone you can buy for 99¢.

Oh lucky me!  A song I already own, I can buy from you again, then buy the RINGTONE version from you!

Silliness.  And easily ignored.

But for some strange reason, the internet was funny today: every page I clicked on didn’t immediately offer complete, accurate, and up-to-date information on a minor techincal solution.  Weird.

Me – I summon Google!  How do I change an mp3 into an iPhone/iTunes ringtone?

Google – Easy, just change the file extension to .m4r.

Me – Didn’t work.  iTunes ignoring me.

Google – Well, first you convert the mp3 to an AAC file (extension .m4a), then change the extension to .m4r.

Me – Right-clicked on the file in iTunes, only option was to convert to mp3 (which it already was).

Google – You’re an idiot**.  Preferences –> Import Settings –> AAC Encoder, then right-click on the file, convert to AAC, change extension to .m4r.

Me – Jeez, you don’t have to be mean about it (who the heck knowingly leaves the default import to AAC anyway?).  OK, I have the mp3, I have the AAC, I changed the extension of the AAC file to .m4a.  Hooray!  I has a ringtone!  Syncy-syncy.  Umm… why no syncy?  Ringtone not copying over to iPhone why??

Google – Exactly how long do you expect people to wait for you to pick up the dang phone?!   40-second max for ringtones.

Me – You couldn’t have just said all that at the beginning?

Google – But then all those other pages wouldn’t have gotten any hits!  Share the love.  Now quit your whining and go back to looking for the answers to those xkcd puzzles (yeah, good luck with those).

So, to recap (Windows Vista [please don't make fun of me], iTunes 8.0.2.20, iPhone 2.2.1):

1. Right-click –> Get Info on the track containing the sound bite with which you would like to annoy people in elevators.  Options tab, choose the Start and End times of your clip (keep it around 30 second or less to be safe).  OK.
2. Right-click –> Create AAC Version.  If you see “MP3 Version” instead, change your Import Settings to AAC Encoder.
3. Right-click on the new AAC track –> Show in Windows Explorer.
4. Right-click file in Explorer –> Rename, change extension from .m4a to .m4r.  Double-click the file to import it into iTunes.
5. Sync iPhone (make sure you have checked the option to Sync Ringtones).  Smugly smile, raise middle finger to the nearest representative of The Man.

*For the record, my ringtone is now the opening Prelude from Final Fantasy III.

**I always hear this phrase in House‘s voice now.