Is happiness having what you want, or wanting what you have?
Heard it many times before, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately. Not as simple as the new-agey platitudes would make it seem.
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bakku-shan: a girl who appears pretty from behind but not from the front. (Japanese)
Backpfeifengesicht: a face that cries out for a fist in it. (German)
If you were leaving for a business trip in 5 minutes and you wanted to write something quickly for your blog, what would you write about?
I like candy.
Dang. I guess the creative juices just aren’t flowing for me today.
If my head could fly, what colour would pizza be?
I need to get more sleep. Or less.
The guy in the office next to me cut a fart this morning so rancid that it caused my eyes to water from the other side of the wall. That was my experience today.
Darryl’s Hard Liquor and Porn Film Festival
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“The Shining” recut as a chick-flick (Pure freakin’ genius! You ever go see a movie and it’s totally different that the trailer made it seem? This was the winner of a contest among a class of aspiring film editors to take an existing trailer and re-cut it to seem like something else. After seeing this you will know for sure to never trust Hollywood marketing again!)
My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My joints and muscles hurt. I’m clenching my jaw. My back’s killing me. I feel dehydrated. Exhausted. Bloated, but hungry at the same time. Tired but restless. Generally sucky.
Lazy Mike is not a happy Mike. All work and no play make Mike a dull Mike. A rolling Mike gathers no moss.
Mike needs to get off his @$$ and get back in the gym, doesn’t Mike?
Yes Mike. Yes he does.
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From the simple to the spectacular, it’s nice every once in a while to take joy in the world. I need to be reminded of that sometimes.
Poetry.
Music.
Awe.
Colour.
Fun.
Adventure.
I may sit in front of a cubicle wall all day, but when I close my eyes, this is what I see. Otherwise I would surely lose my mind.
You a fan of short stories? It seems I rarely have the time to sit and read as much as I would like, so I often find I enjoy such literature.
I heard it said once that the short story format is perfect for movies. Just the right amount of detail and plot. Turning a full novel into a standard 2 hour movie is like trying to condense an 800 page book into a 80 page narrative. Conversely, trying to novellize a film script is like expanding those 80 pages tenfold.
Well lately I’ve been fortunate enough to stumble across a couple interesting literary resources, hopefully you enjoy them.
Granola in the Barrel of a Gun
Two children walked down the quiet suburban street gnawing on pepperoni sticks. A “twelve packeroni” stuck out from the open Spiderman backpack of the tubbier boy.
“This could be your grandpa’s finger !! Ah I’m a zombie !! Arghhh !!” the larger boy belly-laughed through a mouth full of meat which he chomped up and down and up and down on.
“This is your penis,” the slimmer boy joked as he bit down on the tiny remaining stub of meat.
Tubby punched his friend in the stomach.
“That’s fucking stupid.”
A long shadow suddenly fell across the two of them.
“That’s no way to chill with a friend, little dude.” A greasy haired hippie in a tie-died shirt and scraggly beard stood over them.
“You’re not the boss of me,” the Tubby boy shouted, spitting out flecks of pepperoni.
“Oh no, I couldn’t be. There are no bosses. But I do speak with the authority of those mountains behind me, I’ve hiked them many times. The grass over there, that’s my tightest bud. You see I’m a fucking vigilante for mother earth.”
He pulled up his tie-died shirt to reveal the handle of a gun.
“You stop punching your friend and I want you to return those pepperoni sticks to the store. Trade them in for celery sticks or a hug from the clerk. If you don’t I swear to mother earth that I will find you.”
And the hippie went to lie down for a nap on the grass as the children ran away, leaving a trail of rolling pepperoni sticks behind. A wake of meaty fear.
-By Kevin Spenst, posted on Fast Fictions
Periodic Table of Science Fiction (this nut wrote a short story for every element of the table!)
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I feel better right now than I have in months. Maybe years.
It might have something to do with flying home and seeing my family for a couple days last week.
Maybe it was attending my first business conference in years as an active professional, not just tagging along with my father.
It could be having dinner with my two best friends in celebration of one of them leaving for a year in Japan in a couple days.
There was also my cousin’s wedding, a good ol’, down-home, country redneck, boot-stompin’, beer-drinkin shindig, and seeing all the family out in their best jeans.
Seeing my cousin’s new baby girl (Olivia) for the first time.
Hearing that another cousin just had a little girl of her own on Monday.
Driving the ’74 MGB convertible that my Dad rebuilt down to the mountains for the weekend.
How about spending one of the most wonderful days I’ve ever had, with my girlfriend, up in Canmore, introducing her to my little slice of heaven, going hiking up a waterfall, soaking in the hot springs, and doing all that fun mountain stuff.
Getting seats together on the plane for the flight home, holding hands and talking the entire way, and having a 4 hour flight feel like 15 minutes.
Spontaneously driving up to Waterloo to see her again last night, because even though we had spent almost all of the last few days together, I still wanted nothing more than to be by her side again.
Uh-oh.
I think I figured it out.
Holy shit.
I’m in love.
So I was at the Ovation concert on Sunday, not feeling 100% so Chrystal and I were bailing early. Walking away from the venue we could still hear K-OS doing his thing, up to that point I had enjoyed his show more than I thought I would. Then, for no reason I can think of, he shouts out “Who hates Security?!” “FUCK SECURITY!!” He continued on a “Fuck the cops” rant, but all I could think of was the concert security guard, standing 5 feet away, guarding the stage, and hearing the guy he’s here to guard shout Fuck You in front of the entire crowd. What the heck was the point of that? If I had been in that guy’s place, I don’t know how I would have reacted. I wonder if they turned around, even for a second, to look that prick in the eye. They should have just walked away and let the thousand or so people rush the stage and do whatever they wanted to the band, the equipment, and to that ungrateful son of a bitch.
I’ve worked security at these kind of concerts. It’s not exactly a “fun” job. Most of the time you’re getting attitude from everyone you talk to, crap thrown at you, and it’s not like you get paid all that well. It’s neat to see the music scene from that perspective, but really, if the guy I was being paid to protect told me to fuck off, I’d walk. Hell, I’d open the gates with a smile and sit back to watch him get torn to pieces. Pardon my language, but fuck k-os. It’s a shame, I was really starting to dig his music up to that point.
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GodTower
I’ve never heard the lonely plight of the perpetual “nice guy” put as well as in the final panel of yesterday’s Questionable Content. Sarlacc Pit of Platonic Frustration. Freakin’ web-geek genius.
Not that I have anything to complain about at the moment, but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember what it was like. All high school and university, I was THE “nice guy who never got none”. But I’m in way too good a mood right now to get all bitter about the past. Ovation Music Festival this weekend with the girly, plus next week I get to fly home to see family and mountains! I’m happy as a boy watching Saturday morning cartoons with a bowl full of sugary marshmellow cereal!
You ever get to the point where you look at the mountain of dirty dishes and begin to seriously consider whether just moving to a new house would be less trouble?
I need help.
On a brighter note, I had one of the most relaxing, enjoyable weekends of my life, and I feel better now than I have in a very long time. My beautiful girlfriend Chrystal and I spent the Labour Day long weekend at the Auberge des Demoiselles on Lac Nominingue in Quebec, about 45 minutes North of Mont Tremblant. We ate Beaver Tails, drank wine, went mountain biking, had morning tea on the dock… three days of the kind of luxurious, romantic moments that most people only read about.
Once again I realize that I am one of the luckiest people on the planet.
If anyone is wondering about me over the long weekend, I’ll be here.
If I see you there, I will kill you. Have a great weekend everybody!!
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