mike the mountain

Why can’t life be easy?

Just once in a while?

Like now?

OK, quick recap: Started a biz with 2 other guys back around November. One guy’s great, the other… let’s just say my bull$#!t detector was red-lining. But I’m willing to give him a chance. Naturally, everything hinges on him. Recap over.

After a couple months of nothing really happening, I had to give myself a deadline. February 28. If there’s still nothing (ie: no money on the table) by then, March 1 everything goes on hold and I start looking for work. Real work. Not necessarily in Toronto either; wherever will be best for me and my own personal development. And once I’m settled in my new career, new home, maybe even new city or country, then I’ll take a look at this Waterfall Group business again.

I don’t want this to happen. I would love nothing more than for this to be a huge success. Please, let me dedicate my life (or at least the next couple years) to this venture, making fantastic amounts of money and traveling the world in an enterprise of my own creation.

But like I’ve said before, dreams die. You can’t hang on to them forever. Every day I spend on this path takes me another step away from 100 others. Including the one that I studied and sweated through university and all my time in the corporate world for. I’ve been gone for nearly two years now. On a resume, that’s forever. You can lose your edge really fast in that game.

When I was working in investments, I had that edge. I was the youngest, the hungriest, the best. VPs said they wanted me to run the company one day. CEOs knew me by name and reputation. But I’m looking at starting nearly from scratch again. I’m not young anymore. I’m not the hot-shot anymore. I can’t risk waiting any longer.

I won’t give up everything I’ve worked for, everything my parents helped me build, on the slim chance that all the planets will align, all my dreams will come true, and the three of us will actually make something out of this mess.

So, no problem, decision made, right? If The Waterfall Group is making money by the end of February, then it’s full speed ahead. If not, then polish up the resume, pucker up the lips, and start pounding the pavement. ‘A’ or ‘B’. What’d I say about life being easy?

Winterlicious. A very cool program Toronto restaurants are doing, offering reasonable fixed price menus at 120 or so of the nicest dining rooms in the country. This of course includes my old friends at Centro. What this means for us is for the next 2-3 weeks, my two partners (and to a lesser extent, myself) are 100% booked. Following that, the gentleman with all the names and contacts we need to make our sales will be busy wrapping up loose ends before he closes Centro for 8 weeks, undergoing total renovations. Overall this should be a good thing for us, as he will have nearly all his time available to focus on sales.

Wow, I should be excited. In a few weeks we should be all set, functioning like a real business. So when will all this converge? When will all my efforts come to fruition?

March 1.

The day I walk away.

When else?

Here’s my new $12 Palm Pilot. Implementing an idea from productivity uber-site 43 Folders, I put together my Hipster PDA. Index cards and a binder clip. “There is no step three”.

I need help. I need some organization, some framework to work with. I, like many people, simply operate better when things are written down, tasks remembered. I’ve had various PDAs for years, but I just don’t have the means or really the need for a $500 PalmPocketBerry. The Hipster PDA suits all my needs, along with the additional current requirements of fiscal efficiency and pseudo-zen psychological minimalist simplicity.

The basic layout I’m starting with (copied from birty) is:

-Cover Page, with my name, contact info, and a cool quote

-Calendar Pages, one per day, seven day’s worth

-Next Action Pages, one per project (I haven’t read the book they’re all talking about, so I’m just kinda going with what I think the concept is)

-Project Pages, one per project, with all major details

-Contact Pages, names with phone numbers and e-mails

-Master Task Page, no order, just stuff to be done

-Interest Pages, one each for movies, music, and books I want to check out

-Ideas Page, for random ideas to play with later

-Someday/Maybe Page, for things I’d like to do… someday… maybe

-Longterm Calendar Page, things to remember for the future

-Repeating Tasks, just what it says, remember to do things every ‘whatever’

Throw in a couple blanks for things I haven’t thought of, or if I need to give someone a note (a.k.a. “beaming”), and I’ve got a grand total of 23 4×6 index cards, held together by a small binder clip. Voila! Hopefully I can put this to good use and get a little more productive… with all these projects I’ve got going, I really need to keep my time focused.

Oh, the quote on my cover page? Albert Einstein. “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex… It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.”

I’ve been trying to find a good place in Toronto to host movie nights. I’ve got a decent movie collection, and access to a whole ton more. Foreign, indie, weird underground cult stuff, just not mainstream. I love to host and entertain, I just don’t have the space or resources to do it myself right now. What I need to find is a bar with a controlled-light private room, projector/big screen, good sound, and fun people. I want to show one or two flicks, do a brief intro, and maybe some discussion after… obviously encouraging everyone to stay and talk and eat and drink.

It would have to take place at a time when the bar would not otherwise be busy, since there probably won’t be much business happening during the movie(s). Do you think it would work better to do it on a weeknight, or a Sunday afternoon? Easier to do a couple movies on a Sunday, but there’s something about watching freaky movies late at night…

Now the biggest challenge: legality. Does anyone know what the restrictions are on this kind of event in Canada? From what I understand, as long as I don’t charge admission to watch the movie, it’s basically a private showing, fully within our rights. I’m hoping to sneak through the “invite-only private party” loophole, like the early rave scene. If that’s the case, then there’s no concern. I would love to simply have a “suggested donation” kind of thing for a charity (food banks, animal shelters, etc.), and just let people enjoy themselves! If not, does anyone know what the “line” is, before I get in trouble for a public broadcast? There’s gotta be some leeway, I can have a friend over to watch a rental, can’t I?

Can’t I?

Hmm. I also need to pick a name. Something simple, like “Mike’s Movie Nights” or “Mike’s Matinee’s”.

UPDATE: Searching for info, I came across this page from the Canadian Motion Picture Distributor’s Association. Obviously they have a vested interest in convincing me that I can’t watch movies anywhere but in my own home, in my bedroom, alone, hiding under a blanket. I still think there’s room for flexibility, especially when it comes to films that aren’t part of a major Hollywood studio.

Wish me luck!

Watching TV. Warren Miller. I wanna go snowboarding.

Hear cool song. Like it. Want it.

Google.

Don’t know the name or the artist. Search for what I hope was a bit of the chorus.

Find it.

iTunes. iTunes Music Store. Search. Find.

Buy. 99 cents. Canadian.

Polka out to Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper.

This is why this works. Before I just would have gone on Kazaa or Gnutella or whatever other P2P network I was tapped into and gone searching, hoped for the best, maybe found it, maybe not. I would NOT have gone out and bought the entire CD for $20. Most likely, I would have just forgotten about it.

Instead, now I legally have a cool new song, I’ve been introduced to a new band (that I may end up buying more of), and I paid a price that I am happy with.

Maybe this whole Interweb thing is gonna work out after all.

I was really looking forward to feeling bad today.

I was ready to wallow in self-pity like a pig in filth. ooo baby I wanted it.

I went out of my way, purposely not telling anyone it was my birthday, just to make SURE that I would have a wonderfully cliche reason to sulk and pout.

Then my damn friends and family had to go and ruin it.

I mean, I knew my parent’s wouldn’t forget. They had already given me birthday presents and cards and wishes when I was visiting them in Edmonton around New Year’s (including Wil Wheaton’s new book Just A Geek). So I figured I was safe from them… until they called me from their vacation in Palm Springs!

grumble, grumble, ok fine. Parent’s don’t count anyway, they have to remember.

Then my sister calls, as if to remind me how awesome she is.

hmph.

Well, ok, great. My family rocks. They love me. But still, they’re obligated, and I’m bound and determined to feel crappy today.

Then the e-mails start.

Stop that.

This isn’t how the plan is supposed to go.

You’re not supposed to know it’s my birthday.

I didn’t tell you, so you wouldn’t know, so when you didn’t say anything I could pretend you didn’t care about me and I was a total failure in life.

oh GREAT, now they’re calling me!

Why do I have to have such awesome friends? And that goes for all of you, whether you knew anything about some arbitrary date. That was my stupid game, and it’s really unfair and assholey of me to twist and manipulate our friendships for my own infantile head games, regardless of your awareness of it.

Oh yeah, and just when I was really starting to worry about my finances… I get a job! In the middle of the slowest month for the restaurant/bar biz (not to mention a huge downturn in Toronto tourism) I get asked to work a party at a new restaurant called The Strand.

And of course, it goes great.

And they say I’m the best bartender they’ve worked with.

And they offer me more work.

So here I am, just after midnight, sitting in 7 West, enjoying a slice of (“birthday”) cheesecake, looking back on a great day, feeling really good about myself. Heck, I even had my best round yet at Tiger Woods 2005 before work! For the first time in a while, I’m going to go to bed and not feel sick with stress.

Very little has changed… I’m still broke, still single, still don’t know if this Waterfall Group business is going to work, still don’t have my own place, still don’t know where I am or where I should be. But at least for now, I’m not scared.

With family and friends like I have, whatever happens, it will all work out. Haven’t you heard? I lead a charmed life!

It was a very happy birthday.

So this is the big re-make I’ve been working on for the past month or so. Last step will be migrating it over to my own paid server (as opposed to blog*spot’s free service).

So please, hit refresh to make sure you’ve got what I hope you do, and take a look around. I’m trying to keep it fairly clean and simple, while still offering plenty of content (especially the oft-requested links (don’t worry, there’s plenty more)). If something doesn’t work, or just doesn’t look right, please drop me an e-mail.

One thing I put a lot of conscious effort into was only using freely available, open source software. I’m happy to say I succeeded. Many thanks go out to jEdit, OpenOffice.org, GIMP, and Mozilla Firefox.

I’d also like to extend my appreciation and respect for a few of the writers who I turned to for inspiration and motivation: Steve, Wil, and Tony. Writing here really does make me feel a lot better, and the lessons I learn from these guys helps me take a lot more pride in what I do.

And of course Blogger themselves.

I’m starting work at a new bar tomorrow (or I guess technically today), so wish me luck! I should probably try to get some sleep before then…

The first (and still only) time I can remember falling deeply, passionately, madly in love with a fictional character was Leeloo from The Fifth Element.

a.k.a. Milla Jovovich.

Now I think Ms. Jovovich is incredibly beautiful, gorgeous, unique woman. She’s been on my “list” since Return to the Blue Lagoon. I already knew Ms. Jovovich was hot, but I fell in LOVE with Leeloo.

I dreamt about her.

I fantasized about her at work.

I concocted elaborate stories about how she would get stranded in Edmonton and chased by an obsessed mob and I would rescue her and we would fall in love, etc., etc..

It wasn’t the actress I wanted. It was the character. Leeloo Mina Lekatariba Laminatcha Ekbat D Sebat. The Perfect Being. Beautiful, strong, innocent, pure. I finally knew what I wanted in a woman: A genetically flawless extraterrestrial warrior from the future who’s never even seen another man.

At least I’m not asking too much in a girlfriend…

Let me just apologize to any women in my life that I ever subconsciously held up to such ridiculously unattainable standards. This is my issue, not yours.

I think the hardest thing to deal with in life is the death of one’s dreams. The moments when you are forced to consciously accept that you no longer believe those wonderful little fantasies that you held as a child. I’m not talking about Santa and the Easter Bunny, that kind of stuff is easily understood and rationalized as parental indulgence and love. I’m talking about when you finally realize that you’re never going to fly like Superman. That you’re not really invincible. That you’re not going to be different from everyone else. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

I held on to these fantasies longer than most (I imagine anyway). I kept telling myself that I was just like the heroes I read about in my comics and novels… I believed that if I kept trying, kept BELIEVING, that eventually I would stop aging, never suffer any serious long term injuries, and of course stay young, attractive, and powerful forever! I was going to be fabulously wealthy, world famous, respected, worshipped, and revered. I used to tell people to contact me when they saw me on the cover of Forbes, Time, and People (at the same time), and I would give them a million dollars. Everybody smiled and laughed.

I wasn’t kidding.

It was inconceivable to me that anything else could take place. Of course I was destined to rule the world.

Who isn’t?

It’s not that I have stopped aspiring to the best life has to offer. I may very well be the next Richard Branson (or Thomas Anderson, wink, wink). It’s the solipsistic faith in my divine pre-destiny, and the confidence in my future that it brought, that’s missing now. That psychological paradigm shift from optimist to realist. That’s what hurts. Where before there was an easygoing, confident swagger and automatic assumption that everything would work out for the best, now there is stress about getting a job, worry about missing out on life experiences, fear of not finding someone to spend my life with… fear of getting out of shape, or hurting myself, or getting older, weaker.

A comedian (Chris Rock I think) made some jokes about how couples have flashes of disappointment when they realize that the person they’re with isn’t the dream soul mate they always envisioned. When they realized they had to “settle”. I’m beginning to see that this is a major source of stress in every relationship. As our society has been given increasing opportunity to indulge in fantasy (TV, movies, comics, books, games, internet) and be exposed to consumer marketing (“you will be happy if your life looks like THIS”), we have a tougher time accepting the reality of our situations. Our lives do not follow scripts.

I want to say something like “learn to be satisfied with your life as it is”, but that’s the worst advice anyone can give or receive. It’s like telling unhealthily obese people not to worry about their weight, just be happy the way you are. NO. The truth of the matter is everyone has something to improve in their lives, Everyone needs to work towards something. Without ambition, without the drive to advance oneself, there really is no point to living. What I’m trying to say, and trying to work on myself, is the idea of honestly viewing one’s reality, but not accepting it. Be happy in and with your life, but NEVER totally satisfied.

Find a job you can do, and do your best. It doesn’t have to change the world, you won’t always be happy there, but you should be happy at least some of the time! If you’re lucky enough to be good at your job, and you get to have fun once in a while, then be happy. But don’t stop working.

Find a person to love, and who loves you. Don’t expect them to be any more or less perfect than you are. It might work out, it might not. But whatever happens, keep trying. Work at the relationship, or if you’re single, work on yourself. Improve yourself. Try to become more like the kind of person that YOUR “ideal” mate would want to be with, as opposed to the kind of person TV tells you that you have to be. Would your dream mate be interested in you because you were rich with a nice car? Or size zero with fake boobs? Getting my point?

This is starting to ramble on a little too long, so I’ll cut it off quick. Life could be worse, things could get better. Life sucks, get a fu$#ing helmet. Life is what you make of it. Insert your own cliche. There are many things I wish I could still believe. There are far too many things I wish I didn’t know. Nothing is guaranteed, nothing is pre-destined. All we can do, all anyone can do, is try.

And try.

And try.

Nearly everyone I visited back in Edmonton had cats. Not a negative comment at all, I’ve grown up with dogs primarly (and a rabbit!), but I pretty much love any animal that isn’t actively trying to eat my family. I just found it interesting. When I was going to high school I sure don’t remember seeing that much pus…

Heh, ok, so I know I’ve been whining about being depressed lately, but thankfully all that is over, because Happiness is for sale on eBay! Thank goodness for those Google Adwords… now I’ll never be unhappy again.

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows everywhere…

OK, I know I’ve written about this particular masterpiece before… but since I watched it three times over the holidays so I could introduce it to various friends and family, I figured it was worth mentioning again. Besides, it was still the best movie I saw while away. It should be in theaters now, GO FIND IT!!

Remember the rules of 24: 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, 24 frames per second, 24… something to do with Keifer Sutherland.